Why more marriages break up – Counsellors

Some Nigerians have expressed worries at the rampant cases of broken homes and the effects on society.

They are concerned that the current economic hardship may increase divorce and separation in the country.

The citizens spoke with the News Agency of Nigeria in Lagos.

A mother and an educator, Dr Jumoke Aina, told NAN that broken homes often result from divorce, separation, and abandonment.

According to her, these situations can be triggered by marital conflicts, infidelity, financial difficulties, substance abuse, domestic violence, and incompatibility between partners.

Aina said that the consequences of marriage breakups on the children included emotional distress, academic failure, and behavioural problems.

Aina added that people from broken homes had increased rates of juvenile delinquency, crime, and substance abuse.

Aina said that broken homes could be avoided or minimised through the provision of access to professional counselling, which could assist couples in resolving conflicts and improve communication.

Also speaking, a specialist in family sex and marital counselling, Prof. Folasade Alade, also attributed marriage breakups to financial challenges, lack of communication, infidelity, incompatibility, and in-law interferences.

Alade said that the psychological and emotional impacts of homebreaking on children included low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and aggression.

“As a lecturer, I easily recognise anyone from a broken home in the school because they are aggressive, not always happy, and are bullies.

“It really has negative effects on society especially on our citadel of learning. They mix with the good ones and they corrupt some of them,” she said.

Alade said that broken homes could be prevented with tolerance and patience in marriages.

“Since the two people who are joined together in marriage come from different backgrounds, a significant amount of patience and tolerance is, therefore, needed to prevent broken homes,” she said.

The Founder, Happily Ever After Counselling, Dr Abimbola Oladotun, told NAN that divorce was a disease that should be denied entrance into one’s marital life.

According to her, divorce eats up the bodies, hearts, and souls of those affected.

Oladotun added that hardness of heart among partners was a major cause of broken marriages.

“As humans, couples would hurt themselves in different ways, intensities and frequencies, but if couples would practice ‘advance forgiveness’, that way, each partner can decide to forgive the wrong his/her spouse is yet to commit,” she said.

According to her, divorce makes some children become miscreants.

She said that the concept of ‘leaving and cleaving’ would also help to reduce divorce and separation.

“Most couples go into marriage not leaving their past, mistakes, fears, and wrong assumptions of the other gender, and they begin to play out in little things,” she said.

A lawyer and human rights activist, Mr Kabir Akingbolu, said that many present-day marriages were too casually prepared for and arranged, leaving the couples not truly knowing themselves.

“A broken home, oftentimes, produces irresponsible and psychologically imbalanced children. These children lack patience and it leads to vices such as stealing/robbery.

“By addressing the causes and implementing supportive measures, the negative impacts of broken homes on society can be reduced, fostering a healthier and a more stable community,” he said.

(NAN)