Finding love is hard for people with disabilities – Polio survivor

Oluwayemisi Adekunle, a marketing communications professional, speaks with TEMITOPE ADETUNJI about her lifelong battle with polio, coping with the disability, the obstacles she overcame in her marriage and moments of triumphs as a professional

How has life been for you as a marketing executive living with disability?

I am a marketing communications professional and currently serve as the Government Relations and External Affairs Lead for West Africa in the organization I work for.

I studied English at the University of Ilorin and belong to several professional bodies, including the Nigerian Institute of Public Relations, the National Institute of Marketing in Nigeria, and the Advertising Regulatory Council of Nigeria. Additionally, I am a member of the Chartered Institute of Marketing, UK, and the Chartered Institute of Public Relations, UK. I am a life member of Women In Management, Business, and Public Service, known as WIMBIZ.

As an advocate for people living with disabilities, I speak about issues affecting us, drawing from my personal experience of contracting polio at the age of two. Throughout my life, I have navigated the various challenges associated with living with a disability in our society and this has also helped me cope professionally.

You mentioned contracting polio infection at the age of two, can you recount what happened as told by your parents?

With polio, there is limited mobility; can’t like others, and can’t walk as fast because I walk with a limp. But I must give it to my parents. Whatever I am today, I owe it to them. They were star parents. Both of them are late now. I remember while growing up, they took turns taking me to every appointment to see a physiotherapist and every available doctor I needed to see to get better. I’m sure it might have been worse if they hadn’t pursued all those medical interventions.

And of course, their moral support was also sterling. They were always encouraging me. They never made me feel as if I was lesser than any other child in the family. My siblings and I were raised with love, affection, and total devotion from my parents.

They didn’t make me feel as if, oh, your brothers are better than you because their legs are perfectly okay, or your sisters are better than you. My parents never made me feel that way. The only time I felt different was when people outside, maybe in school or among peers, referred to me as “that one-legged girl”, which made me feel bad. Whenever I came home from school and told my parents about it, they would tell me to check my legs and tell them how many feet I had, and each time, I would answer, “Two.”  I was made to understand that I am like every other human being.  They made me realize there’s nothing anybody can aspire to be that I can’t be. My parents always encouraged me never to feel down or downcast because of my disability but to challenge myself to be the best I could be. Their love and support helped me to see that I can be anything and achieve anything as long as I set my heart on it.

What were some of the key challenges you faced growing up with a disability, and how did you overcome them?

I faced stigmatization. I was referred to one-legged person and always excluded from parties and activities.

However, my parents ensured I attended one of the best secondary schools, which was instrumental to my development psychologically, emotionally, and physically.

Their efforts and that of some teachers significantly boosted my confidence as a young teenage girl. I always went for challenges no matter how tough they were.

You hinted at being divorced. Was it as a result of your disability?

I would say it contributed to it because I got married into a family that referred to me as the “one-legged woman” who came to marry their brother.

I was married for 14 years and have a daughter from the union.

They never accepted me, and I was treated poorly. I didn’t find love in that relationship. Finding love for people with disabilities comes with its special challenges because you need to be sure that your vulnerability will not be exploited, or betrayed by the people you open up to.

That was my journey and experience. It’s great to be loved by someone who understands and supports you, rather than those who think you are not deserving of their love.

They may show a little affection when they feel like but in their heart, they believe you don’t deserve to be loved or have a say in how you want to be loved.

They want to determine how best they can love you. These are the circumstances people living with disabilities face, and you need to be able to hold your head high and demand what you deserve and desire.

Would you give love and marriage another try?

If I find someone who would love me the way I desire to be loved.

Meanwhile, my daughter is the best gift from God in the failed union. I don’t regret having her. I can’t thank God enough for having a beautiful, empathetic, considerate, loving, and supportive daughter in every sense of the word.

Can you share a particular milestone that you are especially proud of?

Okay, I would say being bold enough to leave the union was a significant milestone for me. Many people say even those without disabilities try to patch up their relationships and if I think I will find another person to marry me with my disability? Despite everything, being brave enough to leave and face my life is the greatest milestone so far.

Has living with disability shaped your perspectives on inclusivity and accessibility in society?

There are several things that people take for granted like being able to get on a plane, come down from the plane, go anywhere, and do whatever everything with ease. Unfortunately, we live in a society where people living with disabilities are not key decision-makers. Some of those who are in key decision-making bodies don’t feel the need to advocate for people with disabilities, or they are too preoccupied with the office to really push for what they should be advocating for.

I don’t see any reason why we should have events without adequate arrangements for people living with disabilities. I don’t see why people with disabilities should still be struggling and forgotten inside the plane because the necessary arrangements weren’t made.

The system should be so seamless that no one needs to prompt you to make these accommodations. These things are often overlooked by decision-makers. So, you know, we are far from creating an inclusive society for everyone. We still need to eliminate the stigmatization associated with people living with disabilities.

Some people still believe that having a disability or disorder is a curse from God.

When you walk into a place, people stare at you as if you are an object of ridicule.

Some people even think you are a medium for their prayers to be answered, so they throw money at you, thinking they are helping.

You still go to places and find no designated parking lot for people with disabilities. There are also no proper toilet facilities for people with disabilities.

Many churches don’t have ramps or nearby restrooms for people with disabilities. This issue extends to all worship centres, including mosques.

Despite people with disabilities attending these places, they are not given adequate thought or consideration. We have a very long way to go to get it right.

What do you think are the most significant barriers that people with disabilities face in West Africa or Africa in general today?

 I would say that economic barrier is the major one. Many people living with disabilities still find it very difficult to make ends meet because the necessary support to become economically empowered is not there. Some organisations are still against employing people with disabilities, while some business owners will never give a job or business opportunity to people with disabilities. So the economic barrier is still there.

Additionally, there are barriers to accessing training or educational facilities that would allow people with disabilities to support themselves.

These barriers prevent them from accessing such facilities, and nobody is giving it a thought.

When they are not economically empowered, they remain at the lowest rung of society, unable to feed themselves or do basic things that everyone else can do.

Even when they are willing, they are still despised or looked down upon.

They are seen as beggars, who should be pitied rather than empowered. Various facilities need to be improved across Africa.

In your opinion, how can well-thought-out government policies better support individuals with disabilities?

The government has to start considering PLWDs in its policies, especially regarding accessibility.

What kind of access are they providing in public spaces for people with disabilities? What employment opportunities are available to people with disabilities?

What initiatives or policies do you think have been effective in promoting accessibility and inclusivity?

With the Disability Act, Project Enable Africa is trying to implement various policies one day at a time. Many multinationals and corporate organisations now have facilities marked for people with disabilities.

However, when a person with a disability wants to use these facilities, they often find people without disabilities using them. There is a need for more orientation and enlightenment to keep people informed on why these places are designated for specific uses.

How do you balance your professional responsibilities with advocating for disability rights?

When you are passionate about something, you can juggle all your responsibilities. I am a communications professional, and I believe a lot can change and improve through communication.

I use all my social media platforms as much as possible to advocate, speak about these issues, and share my personal experiences.

What role do you think businesses and corporations should play in fostering a more inclusive environment?

Businesses and corporations should start by providing access, in terms of facilities and employment opportunities. They should also consider what they can do to support advocacy for people with disabilities.

What are your ugly experiences as a person living with disability?

A few times, I’ve been forgotten inside a plane in Nigeria. However, when I travel to other parts of the world, this doesn’t happen. And when I complain, the usual excuse is, “Oh, they didn’t tell us they have a wheelchair passenger.” Anytime this happens, I am left wondering how and why.

Can you talk about a time when you had to advocate for your own accessibility needs in a professional setting?

I used to work in an organisation that had a toilet facility for people living with disabilities, but unfortunately, each time I went to use it, it was always occupied. I remember I was the only physically challenged person working on that floor of the building.

So, I had to take it up with the facility management team, explaining that it was the challenge I was facing and that they needed to look into it. Initially, they said they would address the issue, but nothing was done. I kept insisting until something was finally done about it.

How has technology impacted your life and the lives of other people with disabilities?

I’ll say technology is one of the best gifts that touched the lives of people with disabilities because we now have assistive technology in terms of wheelchairs. I was watching a particular guy, a Paralympian at the current Olympics on TV over the weekend.

That is someone, who has lost his mobility and has now been able to move like a dream come true. Those are things that technology is doing.

I move about with a walking stick but growing up, I used calipers to assist my mobility.

So many things are now possible for people living with a disability that was never possible or were never thought could be possible before now.

What I always tell people living with disabilities, and who are still trying to shy away from being their best selves is to know that they have everything needed to be who they desire to be.

While some of you might not have been lucky enough to come from families or homes where they were adequately supportive, now that you are at this point, I don’t think you should let anything stop you.

Can you discuss any collaborations or partnerships you are currently involved in to promote disability rights?

I sit on the board of Project Enable Africa, which is instrumental in providing opportunities for people with disabilities in Nigeria.

We advocate for the rights and empowerment of people with disabilities. We don’t just talk about advocacy; we come up with various economic empowerment initiatives to allow them to work and earn a living that will take them from being despised and looked down upon to be able to do something meaningful for themselves.

And we also, in the form of advocacy, are always willing and ready to work with various corporate organisations and various bodies to provide opportunities for them to know what all this advocacy about people living with disabilities is all about.

Enlightenment programmes create policies that help to create an inclusive society and organisation. So, yes, these are the things that we do at Project Enable Africa and it’s such a great opportunity as currently, we have some funds.

We work through grants and donations from the United States Embassy and various other multinational bodies and we’re able to move across the country, creating economic empowerment initiatives.

How do you see the future of inclusivity and accessibility in West Africa and other parts of African countries?

With these various advocates, the various issues we’re always raising are about what’s going on and how we can make things better.

I see a future where people are educated and we treat people living with disabilities with dignity and respect. People living with disabilities don’t live from hand to mouth but are able to cater to themselves and their families.

They should be able to employ people who might not be living with disabilities and also create employment opportunities for those living with disabilities as well.

I see a future where people living with disabilities are not stigmatized and I know it will happen in my lifetime.

What message would you like to convey to policymakers about the importance of accessibility and inclusivity among people living with disabilities?

There’s a saying that the face might not reveal the potential of the person. You don’t know what potential you are disregarding when you don’t create an opportunity for everyone to show what they carry.

Let’s create a place where everybody is able to bring to the table what they have to offer.

They say two heads are better than one. Many heads putting it all together are better than one head figuring it all out.

Let everyone bring their great potential to the table and let’s see whether things will not get better than they are. We need to create an opportunity for people living with disabilities to be able to come into meetings, to access opportunities, and to showcase what they have to offer so that at the end of the day, everyone can play their part and our society becomes better for all.

Looking back at your journey, what are the key lessons you’ve learned and that you would like to share with others?

Number one, never say never because when you say no, you don’t know what you are putting away.

When you believe in yourself and believe that no mountain is too high for you to climb, you can go further than you can even imagine or envisage.

Another thing is that I don’t believe that the word impossibility exists. I’m the one that can do it because I need to spread my wings and fly. The sky is just a stepping stone for me to fly, to keep flying.